On my previous post, I talked a bit about my Daddy.
Before I tell you about him, he passed away on 3rd of December 2009.It was the day that I cried a lot as I lived on earth, you know the feeling was like you lose your half soul. Someone that really mean to my life has gone away, to meet up the almighty God, Allah SWT.
The last day I met him.
It was the BIGGEST regret day ever after to my life. I didn't take him to the airport, he wanted to do the heart surgery at KL, Malaysia. The last night before, I watched TV on my parents room and he wanted to sleep so I decided to go to my own room, before I go, he made a joke and it kinda make us laughed out loud, I even still remember the voice of his laugh.
The last conversation on the phone.
I was just said, "Ayah kapan pulang? Aku kangen.." but what I can hear was a sob. And it made me cry. He answered .. "Ya, Ayah juga kangen.." That was the first time he tell me that he miss me (well, I'm crying now) we didn't talk a lot, what an idiot of me.. I wish I could turn back the time.
The last night before the day.
Everything was going so well. The surgery was doing so fine and good. No bad feeling at all. After I slept with my brother at my room, I sent my mom some voicenote, so do my brother. Mommy said they will go back to Indonesia at 13th of December and then I was going to sleep. No nightmare at all.
The day.
I woke up. I saw my phone, Mommy told me to pray for my daddy when I slept, I didn't even awake or hear my phone. Really, I hate being me at the time.
Before I went to school, my uncle called my home. My sister picked up the phone, she was so mad and shouted "APAAN SIH!" I felt so terrible and really don't know what to do.
When I walked to the car, Mommy gave us some message.. "Innalillahi.."I just like.. I can't describe the feeling. I cried a lot, I hugged my sister and brother. I feel so terrible and what I wanna hear at that time is just "Na-ah Triana, we'm lying!".
The night when I picked up them at the airport.
Everyone just keep on silent. We still can't believe anything.
The day.
I woke up. I saw my phone, Mommy told me to pray for my daddy when I slept, I didn't even awake or hear my phone. Really, I hate being me at the time.
Before I went to school, my uncle called my home. My sister picked up the phone, she was so mad and shouted "APAAN SIH!" I felt so terrible and really don't know what to do.
When I walked to the car, Mommy gave us some message.. "Innalillahi.."I just like.. I can't describe the feeling. I cried a lot, I hugged my sister and brother. I feel so terrible and what I wanna hear at that time is just "Na-ah Triana, we'm lying!".
The night when I picked up them at the airport.
Everyone just keep on silent. We still can't believe anything.
I picked up my mom. When we met, I immediately hugged her, reinforcing but still can't say any word. My mom's face was like a woman who lost her life passion, soul mate.
Arriving home, my mother fell down. I assured her along with other friends of her. After a bit of calm I rushed to see my dad.
Rigid. Yes.. a rigid body. But his lips was smiling. What a peaceful and happy smile.
I could not hold back my tears. But there was like a whisper coming from I don't know somewhere said "Do not cry, daddy don't like it!" I wiped my tears and kissed my dad and hugged him tightly.
The funeral day.
Amazingly me, after the night was over, not so many tears until I returned home after the funeral. When I saw the body of my dad, my heart like arrows, but on the other hand there is my logic said I should wholeheartedly accept that my daddy have to go. I chose
my logic. Yes, daddy have too many tears that brought him up to the bosom of God Almighty, but I stated, I must take him with a smile.
Now.
It's hard indeed to live without a dad, like him. Many things I haven't show him yet. Too soon he was gone, but I'm sure, up there, he always see me and encourage me to keep moving forward.
Note for Daddy at heaven.
Dad, sorry if until now I still crying before bed because I miss you. Sorry if I still rarely pray to complement your life there. Sorry if I still can't completely keep mom just as you did. Sorry still often lazy to learn and play more. But promise me, as time goes by, I can feel your smile from heaven for me. Big love, kisses and hugs for you, everything's going fine here as you see there.
Our last new year's eve.
Your dearest daughter, ♥R
